Sexual Sunday: Playboy Against Womens Bodies?

If your new round these parts then you mightn't know that Sunday is the day of rest and also a perfect excuse for sex or some sexy reading - or both, you lucky ducks! Sometimes I like to review sex toy shops and other times I just ramble on about anal or casual dating. Today its all about Playboy, enjoy!

Not so long ago headlines like 'Nudes are old news at Playboy' will have been plastered all over the place and it was hard to miss. One of the most iconic 'sexy' brands are going to be giving up what they are most well known for, nudity. Why you might ask, well because of the internet of course. There is nothing you can in a magazine that you can't get more of - and in more depth or extreme ways, then online. Playboy has seen a massive decrease in the amount of magazines its selling monthly and they are looking for ways to boost sales. Love it or hate it, Playboy has been around since 1953 with Marilyn Monroe on the very first cover, and it seems like its not going anywhere any time soon.

With the website being made safe for work since 2012 they have a seen a huge increase of traffic and hope that this will continue to happen, along with the magazine. Some of the other notable changes will include a sex positive female who will write the Mr Jones sex column and the target audience will be young employed men. Leaving aside the 'sex positive female' for a second, lets just focus on the lack of nudity. Or should I say, 'what about the tits!?' as a lot of people commenting on the articles and news stories discussing this.

Personally I don't really have a problem with Playboy as a magazine. Along with it publishing interviews with people such as Jimmy Carter, Malcolm X and Valdimir Nabokov, it was one of a kind when it began and its played some part in bringing women who have been on the pages since more fame. It was one of the first notable magazines to publish a cover with an African American woman on the cover (Darine Stern) which helped to shift peoples ideas of beauty. It had featured two other African American Playmates by the time, but Naked African Americans were only published in magazines produced for and targeted at the black community. I'm not suggesting that I have an entirely positive stance on it however as it does objectify women and if your to believe all the things that are said to have gone on in the Playboy Mansion, then it could be indeed a very negative and scary brand to be involved with and give your money to. 

Back to the 'sex positive female' who will now write the Mr Jones articles for a minute, Its sad that it must be stated the person who is writing will be positive about sex. I haven't ever seen the same statement made when men write for it. I'm not having a big feminist rant here, don't get me wrong, I'm just doing my regular rolling of the eyes at how crappy people still are.

I feel that it could all be a PR stunt to get people talking about Playboy again and have it on the map, So far they have certainly succeeded in getting the brand onto every paper, site and social media platform, even with the meme of 'I only read it for the articles'. Now that 'all' that will be left are the articles, I wonder how long it will be before we see models strip again for the cause. Playboy has said that while there will still be women posing and center folds, it will be tasteful and artful. The covers are said to echo this too, as studies done showed younger people to 'like art' as Cory Jones, who is chief content officer of the magazine, was quoted on. 

I might be majorly in the wrong for saying this, but when you take the sex appeal out of a well known sexy magazine, your not left with a lot. Those who have bought it for the purpose of seeing nudes will doubtfully now buy it for the editorial content and the artistic photography, when they can get what was denied to them for free online and in greater quantities. It will be really interesting to see how this develops and what Playboys annual figures are once nudity is taken away from March 2016. I know personally I'll get the last nudity copy and then the next issue, just to compare.

So, is it good or bad that nudity is soon gone from Playboy? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Sexual Sunday: The Unedited Version

Some of you will have seen that I was featured in an online edition of a magazine last week - which was lovely, speaking about all things 'kinky' and sex related. I just wanted to put up the full unedited version of all my answers to the questions I was sent for the article. I noticed that the (has to be done) heavy editing resulted in my constant mantra of all things safe, consensual and non judgmental being left out in order to what I can only image was to fit into short, snappy answers and also to make it sound more user friendly.

You might also note that a lot of what I'm talking about below is now already done or my opinions might have changed as when I was contacted in February the piece was to be originally published in their printed magazine for May, but unfortunately for some reason that was never done as my many photos weren't just right. Now, enjoy! 

How and when did your blog start?

I started my blog on the 30th of December 2012 as a pre new years resolution to myself. I was living with my partner at the time, out of work and down in the dumps. I follow so many blogs, there like a religion to me! Reading them everyday and getting to add a comment made me feel like part of something special. I don't have any friends who like make up and beauty, so starting up my own blog was an outlet for me where I could rant about something I found really great and not get blank stares in return. Or god forbid, a round of shhing in the pub while the lads watch a match!

Sex and beauty is an unusual combo – what made you decide to cover both?

As the saying goes, a little of what you like never hurts. I'm a massive beauty lover and have a house coming down with my latest buys and offers from Boots. I can't pass up a new lotion or potion, not when its sitting there begging to go home with me. But then I've also a big interest in sex and no one else in Ireland seemed to be blogging about it, so I decided to change that. I like pushing boundaries and informing people of things they might not have otherwise known if they hadn't clicked onto my blog. I've learned loads more by blogging about sex too.

What was the appeal of writing about sex, in particular?

Sex was never something that got talked about at home when I was younger. I had to figure out what was what myself, along with the occasional poorly taught sex ed classes in school. Now that I'm older and wiser, sex has turned into something I love talking about and I wish I had found a sex blog that talked openly and frankly about sex when I was younger. For so many its a taboo subject and in 2015 I don't think thats ok. Men and women alike have contacted me to say they hadn't known about certain topics until they read it on my blog and that saddens me. When theres answers at the click of a button, why not encourage the conversation as much as I can and help to get others asking questions, wanting to learn more about sex, sexuality, toys and all that they entail.

What is the most enjoyable aspect of blogging for you?

Every time I sit down to write a post I panic for a good 10 minutes about how I will write it. What kind of layout will I do, if I should redo my photos for the third time that day or if I should give it all up and run from the internet forever. Then I take a quick glance at whatever I'm talking about that day and suddenly the post is written as if I'd just chatted about it to a friend. When you have genuine excitement for loving and wanting to share your thoughts about a product or topic, then it just flows. Oh, the utter satisfaction!

How often do you blog?

How long is a piece of string? I try to blog as often as I can, but some days it just doesn't happen for one reason or another. At the moment I'm trying hard to blog every single Sunday for my #SexualSunday posts that are dedicated to any and all things about sex. If they aren't posted or published late, people message me to ask where they are, which is both a pressure and absolutely lovely all in one! Other then that, I try to have at least three other posts during the week or more if I can mange.

Do you have one must-have beauty product?

Asking me that is like asking me to choose between my two cats, I could never do it! If I had to answer that in a desert island way, I would say Benefit They're Real mascara, Collections pen eyeliner, Seventeens Phwoarr concealer and a Sleek eye shadow. Don't get me started on hair or skin care, we would be needing a bigger island.

Do you get freebies? If so, whats the best freebie you have ever gotten?

I'm extremely lucky to receive samples to try out from time to time. And to be perfectly honest, each time I get something its always the new 'best freebie'. I get high end products, but then I also get more affordable brands and they all get me giddy with excitement of trying something new out and then to be able to share my thoughts about them to everyone else who might read my blog.

Why do you think more people in Ireland don't write (or even talk!) about sex?

Ireland seems to be very behind the times when it comes to anything sex related. Theres a certain feeling that your just not to talk about it because your a good Catholic girl/boy and the fear of your mammy finding out would only lead to the wooden spoon. What would the neighbours think. I'm delighted to see younger generations talk more openly about sex, but the older generations seem to be finding it hard to accept that its ok to talk about it now.

Whats the most interesting thing you have learnt while sex blogging? Has anything surprised you?

The one thing that has surprised me is the amount of hate I have gotten from people who might be very religious. They seem to come across my blog and feel the need to write to me or comment, telling me that I am polluting  minds or not being Christian enough. I never publish negative or hateful comments to my blog and always delete the emails, but none the less it baffles me that there are still mind sets like that. And that they take the time to write to me!

Is it an area you would like to expand on your blog?

I'd love to write more and do more sex blogging, but for now I am going to shops in Dublin on my own time. Trying to get interviews from sex shop owners or staff isn't as easy as I had hoped when I started my #SexualSunday slot. I also spend a lot of time nosing around sex toy shops comparing prices and product stock, so one post a week is all I can manage for the time being.

You review sex shops, whats next?

Reviewing sex shops is my new project for 2015, although I blogged a lot about sex acts and did reviews of lovely toys I was kindly sent before this. I really like all aspects of sex and I have plans of trying speed dating and kink nights in Dublin some time in the future. I think it would be something fun to write about and give readers a few giggles or more information.

Do you think its only a matter of time before more people start writing about sex?

I would really love to see more Irish people writing about sex, so I hope so! I've noticed a new trend of talking about dating experiences, things that happen on Tinder and bloggers giving their own dating advice. A few years ago it was taboo to talk about online dating, but now its perfectly acceptable to say you met your other half on a dating site. I hope dating and relationship advice is soon pushed a little further and sex will be talked of more.

How do people respond when you tell them you are a sex blogger? Did you tell your family and friends – and if so, what do they think?!

Its not something that I shout from the roof tops, but then not many people do when it comes to hobbies. I write about sex because I enjoy it and learn just as much along the way as I'm sure some of my readers do. But when I do mention that I blog about sex, its always the same reaction, shock and surprise. A lot of people get the wrong idea before I set them straight. They think that sex blogging means a tell all in depth account of my sexual encounters, instead of a continuous open conversation about different topics of safe sex, consent and reviews.

As for my friends, they were never shocked about me beginning to write about sex. If you knew me for ten minutes you would know that I love pushing out those awkward taboo topics and making others feel comfortable to talk about whatever they like. After all, we all have sex, were all here because of it (sorry for the mental image!) so why not talk about it like we talk about the weather?

My family I'm sure have copped on by now that its not just make up I blog about as I was interviewed on a programme late last year about dating and sex. They all saw it, even the neighbours!

What do you think is the biggest taboo in the world of sex?

Anything to do with men enjoying anal sex. There is still a huge misconception that if a man enjoys anal sex of any kind, then he must be gay. It frustrates me that we shame others out of enjoying sexual experiences for fear of the judgment and repercussions. The same can be said for all things under the kink/BDSM umbrella. 50 Shades of Grey has definitely made some things more acceptable such as light bondage, blindfolding and a Dominate/submissive relationship. But there are a lot more 'hardcore' things such as the wearing of gimp masks, ball gags and medical play that are big taboos as people don't understand them or dismiss them as weird.

Where do you stand on porn – fine in moderation, or is it a total no-no for you?

There is nothing wrong with porn at all, I always encourage partners to watch it if they wish without the fear of judgment. It can lead to really interesting conversations and suggestions! As long as it is consensual for all involved to be there preforming sexual acts and to be filmed while doing so, porn is great.

Do you think it has a negative effect on society?

I think viewing porn is fine when it is in moderation and people understand that porn is made like any other film. People have a lot of make up on, some might be over exaggerating the act or making sounds for effect. They can be given instruction on how to place themselves and how to portray their role. Porn acts can't and wont be the same in real life, for the most part. Real life sex is sometimes awkward, funny or just all over the place and thats ok! Its when people have an expectation from watching porn that can't become a reality that it starts becoming negative.

What annoys you about the sex culture in Ireland?

The fact that its still considered taboo to talk about sex, or that people don't have a mature out look on it. I was walking out of a sex shop the other day in Temple Bar when a group of adult men started whistling and shouting about a woman being in a sex shop, asking if I had bought a dildo. They soon were silenced when I walked over to them and said that I had indeed bought a dildo and would advice them all to do the same. If you shamed someone for walking out of Penneys with a bag, you would be laughed at. Why should it be any different walking out of a sex shop?

Do you think Irish people need to be more open?

In short, yes. I think we are slowly getting there, but theres a very long way to go. The more we start having these conversations and opening it up to others to join in and give their opinions or questions, the better. Thats what I try to do every time I write a #SexualSunday post. Its always my most read of the week and although a lot of people wont openly comment on my blog, I get emails and messages from people telling me how much they enjoy and learn from them. Its wonderful to know that my tiny blog is making a difference to even one person.

Do you think its important to be adventurous in the bedroom?

I don't think its mandatory, but I always encourage it. If you are happy having a normal 'quiet' sex life, then more power to you. But sometimes its fun to explore a little bit and see what you like and what your partner likes. It can help a relationship become closer, or even just help you have a better understanding of yourself and what your sexual preferences are.

Best sex shop you have visited?

Now thats a hard one. I've been into lots of different shops and they all have amazing qualities about them. If your looking for friendly staff in a 'women friendly' environment, then Miss Fantasia (South William St) is great. If your looking for a fountain of knowledge and supplies of medical play items, Good Vibrations (Capel St) is your shop. All things bondage, masks and amazing smelling leather can be found in Basic Instincts (Temple Bar). There are a few bad apples, but the majority or sex shops in Dublin have something special about them.

If you could give three tips to Irish women about their sex lives, what would they be?

(1) Masturbate. If you don't know what you like and how you like it, how will any partners know where to begin.

(2) If your not a fan of talking during sex, then sit down and have a conversation about what you like and how you like it. What are things that aren't ok to do and ask the same things to your partner. Once you know each others preferences, its so much easier and more enjoyable to have great sex.

(3) If your partner judges things you like or wont listen to you when your not comfortable or want to stop, they they are not worthy of you or your time. Listening, acceptance and consent should be number one. But if they are being ignored then theres no foundation for any type of relationship, be it long term or a one night stand. Go to bed alone and repeat (1)!

Were going sex toy shopping but we can only buy three – what would you recommend?

1. My number one sex toy of 2014 was my Doxy massage wand. If you have bits, then this needs to be in your life. Its non penetrative  and has lots of vibrating speeds with a really long cord. You can use it to stimulate the clit and nipples, but its also great for men who want to feel something new on their penis or balls. Endless possibilities!

2. Kegal balls that are made of silicone. These are inserted inside you to help strengthen your pelvic muscles and can be worn all day. I think they are great fun to use and it can be really sexy to mention casually to your partner that you have something inside you. Teasing is the best

3.  A cock ring. You will obviously need a male partner for this one, but this will make him super hard, last longer and you can buy ones that vibrate too so both of you are getting extra pleasure.  

Sexual Sunday: Who Are Pay Pigs?

I'm not about to put my hand on some book and say just because I talk and write about sex, do I know all there is to know on the subject. A perfect example of this is when I came across someone who claimed to be a paypig. Not having a notion what this term meant, I googled and then I decided to hunt some of them down and talk to them more about it. Under the umbrella term BDSM a paypig (also known as a human ATM as a lesser used term) is a submissive person who likes to be financially dominated. Like with all kinks, each person will get their own form of sexual gratification from it and a paypig simply wants a pretty guy or girl to take control of them through 'rinsing' or draining their bank accounts. Some like to meet face to face with the person who is taking their money so they can shop together. Others prefer to only do it from the safety of their computers. 

Like with some forms of being a submissive, they see themselves below those who are taking their money. Terms like Goddess, Queen and other high praise is paid, occasionally even Mistress. Any time money is given, its called a tribute. I asked one paypig if  he though it was a kink, if he himself was into BDSM and was he getting any sexual gratification from it responded with; 

Oh it is *certainly* a kink! I have little interest in traditional BDSM, no interest in whips and chains and the like, I'm not a male Anastasis Steele seeking a Female Mr. Grey! My big kink is humiliation and cuckoldry (i.e being used/buying things/being humiliated by women in relationships etc). I do derive sexual gratification from it but I *NEVER, EVER* bring this into the meetings with people, which I feel would be exploitative and unfair. Being used, having my bank account cleared, turns me on - but it's important to be a perfect gent when carrying the bags and not allow this to creep in. Nobody likes a creepy lad.

From doing some research over the past two months (yes, all those tweets asking for paypigs was not for my own financial benefit!) and talking to about 14 paypigs, I've found that paypigs and financial domination isn't really a widely practiced kink in Ireland. However in the UK and America its thriving and this can be most easily found on social media and twitter in particular. The hashtags #paypigs #finDom and #humiliation and so on are the most common ones used. Its lovely to see that people can explore their kinks safely and without the sometimes scary idea of having to meet in real life, however there are a few things I've noticed that haven't been very much on the positive side. And without bashing or judging I wanted to talk about them.

Now I think its safe to say that I'm not one to judge when it comes to anything sexual, kinky or otherwise, so long as it is safe, consensual and within the law. So when I say theres a lot of negative things I've noticed these past few months talking to and watching paypigs online, I don't mean it to stereotype all those who consider themselves paypigs or finDoms. The first and most worrying thing would have to be the ages of some of the girls who take money, talk to and post up 'sexy' photos of themselves on social media. Its a little scary to see adult men openly praise and worship them in a sexual way, even though its clear they aren't legal. Which brings me on to the finDoms themselves, or those who give themselves that title. Its very easy to take money from people when their giving it away for nothing, so why wouldn't the world and its wife not start using the title? I can understand the lure of it all, but being a Dom of any kind comes with truth and responsibility. When people abuse that type of power, it rubs me up the wrong way. (But all that lovely D/s stuff is for another time entirely!)

Keeping on the topic of those doing the taking, I can't help but see a lot of pictures of these girls (both over and under the age of consent) posting up photos that are somewhere from fully clothed to totally naked and it entices paypigs to give them money, which is fine. But for me, its edging along the lines of prostitution purely because theres money involved. One photo for me that was most disturbing was of an account being drained on screen while it was covered in come being sent to a clearly under age girl. She posted it to followers with pride and it soured the whole paypig idea for me a little. I could bang on about this entire concept for hours - and I do with my friends, I'm so sorry you guys have to put up with my constant sex talk! But like with any sex related or kink thing, there will always to pros and cons, those who practice well and safely and those who abuse it all. - Classic example, a Dom lurking about for new to the scene submissive girls.

And finally, bringing it back home to Ireland, I'm not seeing paypigs on the scene at all. The most promising I found in the form of a twitter account that ended up deleting his account after I talked to him for a while. This is common enough with paypigs, those who just like the idea of being financially dominated but not actually going through with the act. Talking about it and fantasising is enough for them. So, it doesn't seem to have hit Irish shores with a bang as far as I can see, but then again I could be totally wrong. I am of course talking about paypigs in the sense of this one submissive act and not that of a relationship where it is part of play among other things. For me, a paypig is just another kink in this big bag of kink and sex that we call home.

Sexual Sunday: I Am Not A Unicorn

Over the past couple of months I have noticed a steady stream of traffic to my blog for my sex based posts. And although it is the most wonderful thing to see (thank you peoples!) it does sometimes mean that I get a few less then wholesome people, who think that just because they are online and therefore anon, they can say and do what they like without consequence (or so they think.) Some do genuinely think that all their birthdays have come at once when they find a girl who not only openly talks about sex, but also shows her face and puts her full name to the words. So this, lads and lassies, is not only going to be a post, but you will also see it labelled as 'Sex FAQs' at the very top of my blog, so I can easily direct those who feel obliged to drop me a few dirty lines.

Are you really real?

As you live and breathe. Honest to god, I couldn't be more real if I tried.

Are you the only sex blogger in Ireland?

As of writing this, I am not aware of anyone else like myself in Ireland. And there are no 'anon' sex bloggers in Ireland either. This is something that personally makes me a little upset. People need to start talking and blogging about sex more! Lets get the conversation going and quit the tight lipped, religious stereotype that Irish people still carry. However if you have a quick look, there are lots of sex bloggers in the rest of the world.

Are you straight and what is your (born with) gender?

I identify as bisexual and am a female.

Will you have sex with me?

No. As lovely as I'm sure the offer is, I wont be having sex with you.

But, you blog about sex on the internet! You must not really mean what you talk about.

Yes, I do  blog about sex on the internet. But that does not mean I am a free for all, to have you say and do the things you might want to. Please respect that I am a person who is not only known for writing about sex. I write about beauty 99.9% of the time, as I do have other interests too. I genuinely enjoy what I talk about and I love to get the conversation going, educate and maybe spark an interest in something new for those who read my posts.

You are clearly asking for it, you slut.

I'm not even asking to read my blog, nor do I insist or demand that you tweet/message/email me abuse. The base for everything I write about is consent and being safe. If you can't look past the 'dirty' stuff to be able to see that, then you might want to have a chat with yourself. Nor am I doing it to spite anyone who might be religious, as so many of you comment. People can get this sort of information all over the interwebs, I promise I'm not the only one 'polluting the minds of the young'.

I need your advice on XYZ.

I wholeheartedly love every single (nice) thing that is sent to me and I will try to make a point of responding to everyone. But I also work 9-5 and do lots of other things outside of blogging, so if it takes me a while to reply I do apologise. Other then that, the major thing I am always telling people is that I am in no way qualified to give advice. For some of you, I will suggest that you visit a GP or counselor. For the rest, I always suggest keeping the lines of communication open with your partner and having an open mind with everything you do. You only live once, don't be the one to restrict yourself!

You are so intriguing/I've never met a girl like you before/You are fascinating/Why did you start to talk about this stuff online, your a girl after all!

  Without sounding like a bitch, get in line with the rest of them. I hear that all day, everyday and I can promise you that you are wasting your time. Flirting and flattering will not get you into my bed. I am not a unicorn (although I now know how they must feel) I am just an average girl who likes to talk more about what the media and society feeds off of and throws at you every waking hour, whether or not you want it. There is nothing more satisfying then interviewing people, exploring new things and doing research for potential posts. Its totally different to beauty blogging or anything else in my life and I love it. The best part is that you can then choose to read it, or continue onto a beauty post instead. 

What will you do next?

Whatever happens to take my fancy I guess! I am always happy to take requests.

Do you work with PRs for your sex posts?

Yes indeed! I have done lots of posts in the past that have been sponsored or that I have been given things/services to review. All are marked with an * and more can be read about it in my disclaimer section. Anything that I am sent or service I'm asked to review, will always be 100% my own opinion and I will never give a 'good' review just because I didn't pay for it.  

You say a lot of dirty stuff /Only talk to guys on social media.

I say a lot of dirty stuff IRL too. The way I talk and act on social media is in no way different then if I was talking to my mother or someone in Tesco. Although I do have a serious side and can be professional when its called for, I don't see social media as a place to limit myself. I am who I am, sorry!

Yes, I do talk to a lot of guys on social media. Some are friends and then others are just passers by who might read my blog. I do however talk to way more female friends through texting, IRL and lot of Facebook group chats. People just don't see that. I have no preference for what gender I talk to, nor do I make am effort to only talk to men.

Have you slept with a lot of people? How many!

Yes. And its really none of your business until I decide to maybe tackle that in a future post.

I bet you have the best life, having sex and writing about it!
That might look like the case, but I don't actually write about having sex, or sex in a erotica way. When I write, theres normally hours of practical work, research and editing gone into a simple Sunday post. Not only that, but dealing with the abuse I get online can be hard. Also writing about personal things (like my 'I'd like to get married, please' post or my post on rape) can be draining and upsetting. However I write because I love it and if it was easy, everyone would do it! So think before you tell me I've the best of anything ;)

Do feel free to check back now and again on this post, I have a feeling I'll be adding to it when I get asked more questions in the future!

Sexual Sunday: I'd Like To Get Married, Please

After a hiatus of two weeks, it seems like its only right to start again with a Sunday post (yes, I'm aware this is technically posted on a Monday, but for some reason it didn't publish on Sunday. Feckin thing!) You know the drift by now, I'm a beauty blogger week days, but come the weekend I blog on Sundays about all things sex and sex related. So lets feed that need and talk about #SexualSunday things.

We are now officially into May, one more month until were at the half way point in the year. Normally May brings sun, showers, friends birthdays and the beginning of breaks for some students, but May 2015 is like no other. This May, the 22nd to be precise, Irish people are going to be voting on one of the most important decisions in many peoples lives; the right for everyone to get married. That means gay and lesbian people - the entire GLBT community can, if they wish, get married to their partner. I'm not here to beg or plead, I'm just here to let my feelings on the topic be heard. Under normal topics up for debate, I like to hear both sides. But when its a human rights and equality issue, an issue that not only effects me personally but the entire country, I don't tend to listen to the 'no' side that much. 

The simple question is, do we as a nation want everyone to be equal? Or do we want to continue to have those living in Ireland that are gay and lesbian to be seen as second class citizens. Personally, when I'm driving home from work and I see 30 or 40 'no' posters in succession, it makes me sad to think that people, who I might have even talked to on the phone earlier that day, tell me that I don't have the right to get married if I wish. Even people who I thought were my loved ones and friends are no longer as they will be voting no this May. I have studied youth work, volunteered with Scouting Ireland, volunteered in nursing homes and so much more. Am I less of a person because I am a bisexual woman who might love another woman? Are my efforts less valid and should your children, mothers, fathers, friends and others be taken out of my care because who I choose to love in my personal life is currently still seen as wrong to many?

Today thousands of children live with their parents who are same sex couples. None of them are less loved or cared for then those of opposite gender couples and parents. It enrages me to hear those on the 'no' side saying that the traditional family is the only type of family. I was raised by my mother, my father didn't have much input. So, as someone who was raised by a single parent I can say that it was still a family and I was very much loved (and I turned out alright, if you can overlook the sex blogging and that!). There is no such thing as a traditional family. No such thing.

And as my granny only said to me today (who is by the way, 86 and one of the greatest people you will ever have the pleasure of meeting) What harm is it doing anyone? People just want to get married and be as happy as the next couple. All this talk of keeping marriage a good pure thing, sure theres divorces every single day now. There are same sex couples together for decades, just not able to marry. Its not right.

I could go on about this for hours, but I wont. All I'll say is, come the 22nd of May, you have the power to choose if I and many others in Ireland get the chance to be married to someone they love. So please go out and vote, this is a potential life changing day for your friends, your family, your neighbours and those you might not even know yet.

Find out more at yesequality.ie.

Sexual Sunday: Speed Dating With GetOut.ie

If you've been hear for a while then you'll know all about my Sunday carry on. If not, then welcome to #SexualSunday where I post every Sunday with something sex related. Sometimes its a Dublin sex shop review and then other times its me ranting about anal or porn.This week its the one I've been threatening for a while now, I went speed dating. For those of you who weren't following me on twitter (shocking!) then you wont have seen my live tweeting some of what was going on. I previously emailed GetOut.ie and asked if I could talk to them about their site and go on a speed date. I'm cheeky like that you see. The lovely people over at GetOut happily sat down to answer my never ending questions, so a big thank you to them for putting up with me! I did not pay for my evening, but nor is this a paid for review. So all the opinions below are totally my own, as are my poor attempts at chatting men up and managing to mortify myself and those around me. A massive thank you also to the utterly wonderful hostess on Thursday night for making sure I was looked after and who was a mind of information, utter credit to the GetOut team. But before I tell you about the dates, lets get a bit of background for you to chew on.

Originally I was vaguely appalled by the idea that not only would someone pay money for an online dating service, but they would then be willingly herded at the 5 minute mark around a room to talk to each other in awkward social settings. I didn't like (and still don't) the fact that there were ageist restrictive groupings and as the age goes up, so does the price. I put these questions to a member of the GetOut team who sat down with me for a chat and he made a few holes in my points. Those who might be sick of the club scene or online dating might want to actively seek out a real conversation face to face in a safe and controlled environment. Theres no swapping details so if you don't want to talk to them again, theres no obligation to do so. Its also a way to get to go on mini dates with several people for less then if your forking out for a full date with someone who you might never speak to again. And then the simple fact that people are actively paying to look for something more then casual dates or random flings. Overall, in my opinion very good points were made for both the pros and cons.

GetOut host events all around the country several times a month, so there are plenty of options and times to choose from. I booked only hours before the evening as I was attending an event only around the corner. You can see the full list on their site and email or call to book and then get a conformation email telling you the time, venue and some tips on how to get conversations going, even pointers on how to dress. A lot of people, especially women I was told, go in groups with friends. I think this is both a good and bad idea, but if your going to try speed dating, do nights on your own and also with friends. You will get such different experiences from them! If your not too sure about the whole meeting face to face just yet, GetOut does have an online dating site where you can sign up to create a profile and have a look at the people out there that you could potentially match with. The GetOut staff are also friendly and helpful over the phone (I called and didn't state who I was the first time, so there was no bias conversation) so if you have any questions or worries they will be able to answer them.

Now the event itself. Personally I didn't really have enough time or energy (man was that day warm) to be nervous about meeting lots of new people, I just concentrated on not being the last straggler in the door. The venue was Foleys bar, which was dead easy to find and I inquired at the bar where abouts the speed dating was going to be held. After asking lots of staff on the several floors above, I finally found the right room. I was first there so I signed in and chatted to the hostess while waiting on the others to arrive. This was the 26 to 35 dating night, so I felt I was going to stick out like a sore thumb a little, but it was also nice to know that the age limits on the site weren't super strict so both younger and older people could attend the events. The first half an hour was the worst part as people slowly poured in and we all waited around. The men gravitated towards the bar (which didn't have staff to serve on it! Major minus points all round and everyone who I talked to commented on it too.) While the women sat in little groups chatting. I talked to three German girls who came in a group and asked if they had done this before. The general feeling was all three had in the past and it was a great way to meet new people in a safe and controlled environment. I was actually surprised that they brought up the safety element as it never features too high on my list when meeting people online in the past.

While I waited, the hostess handed out name badges to everyone and explained how the night was going to work, letting the men rotate tables every 3 to 5 minutes while the women remained seated. Just as well considering I had a tonne of bags. Some which contained makeup, shoes and new knickers from shopping earlier that day. (At least I'll never be accused of being classy.) We also got cards to write the persons name and badge number on, along with ticking a box of yes, no or just friends. I noticed that one of the first men to come into the pub was slowly making his way around the groups of women - which is perfectly fine and well. But he came across as very full on and several women leaned away from the table when he approached them. After the event he was also standing outside the pub talking to every woman who passed by and if I was anyone else I would have found his behavior intimidating and totally off putting. However the hostess was busy with other things and to be honest is there much GetOut can do in a situation like this? I wouldn't say so considering he wasn't actually doing anything wrong. Bit of a sticky one there, but just thought it was worth noting. 

Apart from that one very off putting guy, the rest of the dates went very well and I found that I actually properly enjoyed myself. I was nervous to start with, trying to concentrate on asking general questions and avoiding telling the guys that I came to review the event when they asked why I was out tonight. There was a funny mixture of very professional people, I spoke to a guy who worked in a bank, an accountant, a chef and a doctor to name a few. It was impressive to say the least, but naturally everyone was nervous and on their best behavior so there were many 'I like to read, run and I'm in a very professional career' recited a lot. (In fairness I did more or less the same, without the running though. That'll be the day.) The one down part about meeting so many guys all in one night was that by the end, I wasn't really sure who I had what conversation with. I loved one conversation about House of Cards, then in another we talked about football - he was a ManU fan, thanks be to baby Jay. I even had a bitchy conversation with one guy about people getting married and having kids, oh how we scoffed at them! I wish I could have had some extra paper to write little bullet points down beside each of their names, so I could remember better as I was super excited about continuing them on. After all, who doesn't like football or bitching!?

My two major face palm moments of the night? (apart from one guy looking at my tattoos and asking if I did drugs) One poor soul told me I looked no more then 30, in what I'm sure he thought was his most charming manner. Naturally he sweated for the next 2 minutes until the bell went for us to change seats again. I would say this is my fault as I told him he looked very young, but telling someone they look young is always a compliment. And if men are reading this, never tell a 22 year old they look 30. That lad is lucky to be able to tell the tale! My other foot in mouth moment was when I (boldly) took out my phone to read a text as the guys were moving seats. My friend said to brag about being a doctor to the next person who sits down. Only the man was actually a doctor and I loudly exclaimed 'Fuck off!'. As in a 'no way, thats funny I just got a text,' way. Only I didn't manage to explain until 5 minutes later after the poor guy wiped tears away from his eyes from laughing at me so much. (Note to self: Don't tell any future doctor date to fuck off. Poor fella.)

GetOut claim that 70% of people get matches for each event they attend. And if you don't find anyone that takes your fancy, then they give you the chance to go again for half price. If thats not totally great and enabling, I don't know what is. In my honest opinion would I go on a speed date again? (if I was single that is) Yes, 100% I would go again. Hell, I might even go again and bring a friend just for the craic of an unusual night out. The sigma attached to speed dating has gone out the window for me and I would love if everyone did it, even just once.  I'll admit it does have some flaws, but what part of dating doesn't. I'd recommend it to any age group and GetOut offers lots of different activities and events. So go on, give them a look over here and tell them that Cat sent you! (Then email me your stories if you do decide to go on one of these nights! I can't be the only one to bring extra knickers and tell a doctor to fuck off!) 

GetOut.ie 

speed dating currently has special offers on for April if you fancy it too!

Sexual Sunday: Women Don't Like Porn (And Other Myths)

Do you ever have those moments when you read something online that people genuinely think is a real thing? (or indeed say IRL). You look at the screen and either cackle in utter disbelief or wonder if you should give up on humanity entirely if this is the best that can be found. I do that a lot when it comes to the myths of the opposite sex or sex in general. The fact that people all over the world do IT a lot, we don't know much about the ins and outs of what actually goes on. (the biology lesson is another post. And don't laugh, I bet you have no idea where the bulbocavernosus muscle is, now do you?) Well today is your lucky day, because I'm going to talk about just some of the absolutely mad things that people think is true, or don't even know.

The perfect example is the crazy myth that women don't enjoy porn or sex. I know some of you will find it hard to believe, but I will speak for women as a whole when I say that the majority out there really love both. Now don't throw your hands up and say 'But Cat, your a sex blogger and will naturally like both!'. People of the internet, have a proper chat with the ladies in your life. Not all might want to admit it about the porn in particular, but we like it. A lot. 

 - Side note. When on porn sites there is sometimes a section for 'female friendly' porn. This bugs me a lot considering everyone will have different tastes and categorising it by gender enrages me. *Looks pointedly at PornHub* I understand there are sections for gay, lesbian, age and so on. But female friendly porn? Really! No. Nononono. 

Anal sex. I know theres a lot of people who would believe that if they only have anal they are still virgins. But hand over heart. Honey, thats also sex. 

Which leads me on to people who say that gay or lesbian sex is not actually sex because there is no opposite gender sex organ in the mix. What are these people smoking! On googling 'definition of sex' the very first thing that comes up is below. Note the use of both virginal and anal. A persons genitals. Fingers and toys also count, they are being inserted for the purposes of sex. 

noun
noun: sex; plural noun: sexes

1. 1.

   (chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.

   "he enjoyed talking about sex"

   synonyms:

   sexual intercourse, intercourse, lovemaking, making love, sex act,sexual relations, sexual/vaginal/anal penetration; mating;  informalnooky;  informalbonking, rumpy pumpy, a bit of the other, how's your father;  informalpata-pata;  vulgar slangscrewing,fucking;  vulgar slangshagging;  formalcoitus, coition, copulation; archaicfornication, carnal knowledge, congress, commerce euphemistic

   • a person's genitals.

In some recent emails I found that a man was asking how to stimulate a woman. Not because he didn't know how to have sex, but because men were immediately turned on by the thought of (and I think this is the crudest phrase, only using it in the form of a quote) That 'another hole is another goal'. Whereas women have to think about it, with feelings and need more mental stimulation in order to get turned on. Anyone who thinks this needs to have a talk with themselves. The same goes for those who think women need emotional connections and therefore can't have one night stands. Some women do need emotional connections, but then so do some men. Its not a gender specific thing.

Using two are more condoms will not protect you more from STI/STD's or getting pregnant. It will most likely increase the risks as they can easy come off or break when more then one is used. Just use one girls and boys! One.

And lately, a personal fave of mine. You can learn to be sexually attracted to the 'right' gender and being gay is a choice. I argue this quite a lot (but then again, I do seem to attract a lot of bible bashers) but there are still people out there today that think this is true and that its wrong to be gay. More now in recent times are we seeing thoughts like this raise there ugly heads as a referendum for gay marriage is to be put to the island of Ireland in May. As a friend pointed out recently, its not just older generations who have these misconceptions, but its ingrained into some younger people too. Isn't it sad in this day and age that people still think like that? And still don't know the facts from the myths? 

I'm on a mission (as are many others. Yay, friends!) and I hope one day the word spreads enough that people know women enjoy porn equally as much as men, That being gay is grand, anal is still sex and so much more! Until then, I'll just continue to rant on about it in a mismatched angry fashion. Feel free to add in any sex myths you've heard in the comments below or expand on the ones listed above! I love when people rant with me.

Sexual Sunday: Opinions On Bestiality

If you visit this part of the internet regularly, you'll know on Sundays I post a review on a sex shop in Dublin or something else sex related. Not every Sunday mind you, sometimes life takes over or I'm just on hell of a bad blogger - but you forgive me and come back for more. Don't lie! 

This week I want to tackle a seriously taboo sexual topic; Bestiality. Defined as a sexual act between an animal and a human, its frowned upon and illegal in a lot of counties (Ireland included). Before you all quickly exit the page and run for the hills, hear me out. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I pride myself on trying never to judge. But as I listened to the opinions of someone I was interviewing for one of my reviews on sex shops, I could barely hold my tongue. He spoke of bestiality in a positive light that scared me. I'm not for one second here to bash the guy, nor am I suggesting you do. But the aftertaste of that conversation has stayed with me too long and here seems the perfect place to talk about it. After all, legal or not, all sex should be talked about and people should have a full knowledge of it all. (I'm making reference to the absurd new porn laws in the UK that I wrote about over here.)

Personally I 100% don't agree with bestiality. It all boils down to the fact that an animal can not give consent to the act, much like a child, vulnerable adults and so on. However in Japan, Mexico, Sweden, Thailand, Denmark, Finland, Hungary, Cambodia and several states in the US to name a few, it is legal. Presumably mostly due to the fact that its seen as uncommon or unimportant. I personally feel that there should be an across board ban on this kind of sexual act and also porn. Now thats a rare sentence for me to utter. But as an advocate of safe sex and consent I can't abide the thought of this. Not to mention the small matter that this is the definition of animal cruelty. 

Now some will argue that the sexual preference to dress as an animal (such as pony play, puppy play, ect) could be concerned the same thing or something that should be looked down on, but I disagree. Its totally different to role play with consenting adults. Again the main theme here, consent. I'm sure that there will be those who disagree with me on both sides, or indeed for calling out this guy in a way. But its my own opinion and I wanted to share it. I don't think its ok to tolerate sex with minors, sex with animals, scat play and non consenting sex - just to list a few things. 

But this is just one opinion, what do you think about bestiality? Do you think it should become illegal in places it currently isn't, or do you think that theres no harm in it and it should become legal everywhere. 

And for my adoring religious fans who I just know are going to have a field day with this particular post, let me beat you to it. Possibly the one and only time I will quote from the fairytale book. (And no one get their knickers in a twist that I've suddenly got religious, I googled it.) Leviticus states that it is wrong to perform a sexual act with an animal, for both men and women.

''And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.''

''And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.''

Well, isn't that just something.

Sexual Sunday: Porn Banned In The UK

Every Sunday I talk about something to do with sex and this week I'm taking a break from reviewing sex shops to discuss the new laws in the UK  surrounding porn. Back in December, the 1st to be exact, the UK quietly introduced restrictions on the porn sold and made there (Communications Act 2003). Under these new censoring laws, the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 requires video on demand online porn to follow the same guidelines as DVD sex shop porn laid out by the  British Board of Film Censors. In short, it is now illegal to do the following acts:

Spanking

Caning

Aggressive whipping

Penetration with any object 'associated with violence'

Physically or verbal abuse (regardless of if consensual)

Urolagnia (water sports)

Role playing as non adults

Physical restraint

Humiliation 

Female ejaculation

Strangulation

Face sitting

Fisting

The last three in that list are viewed as potentially life threatening by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC). Now do not fear, this doesn't stop anyone from viewing the above acts if they choose. Those acts can still be carried out in porn from countries that are not the UK or don't have similar rules. But from my point of view (and the out cry of many others) it looks like the BBFC has it out for the majority trying to enjoy themselves. Those in the porn industry producing BDSM, LGBT and lesbian sex now essentially have their hands tied behind their backs. (Wouldn't that come under 'physical restraint'?) 

Personally I feel outraged that face sitting could be considered to be life threatening. Not only is it utterly bizarre, but its depriving women of pleasure. My same line of thought extends to female ejaculation. Depicting a male orgasming and ejaculating is perfectly acceptable for the UK, but dare a woman orgasm  and have physical proof, well thats just outrageous and banned. It would have been laughed out of law if male ejaculation was censored, I can't see why the same shouldn't be said for women.

Now don't get me wrong here, this isn't merely some feminist crusade fighting for womens pleasure, but for the pleasure for whoever this effects. Spanking, humiliation, abuse and the rest could and does come under the umbrella term of BDSM. Anyone who has a particular kink or interest in these acts is being essentially told by UK laws that they are wrong to want this. It is not ok, they are banned. And so we again see the great divide between those 'weirdos' with their unwholesome sexual behaviors and those who are fine upstanding people that would never indulge in such things.  All I can say is it sickens me that this is a law now, to discriminate and make prejudice of people who engage in these acts in the porn industry, and those who enjoy it.

Its easy to argue the point of protecting people. Protecting the children, Oh wont someone think of the children. I realise that from a young age children are more exposed then ever to over sexualised images, video, etc. But is banning it through porn really the way to help and discourage these deemed wrongful banned acts? Does it really instill confidance of the general public that the UK are setting these standards? Deeming womens pleasure unacceptable? Disregarding sexual preferences and drawing the sexist line right down the middle for what men can do and what women can't? I could go on for another ten paragraphs. 

I have no answers, I doubt most of you do either. But if the UK have banned so much, what can we expect for Catholic Ireland, or whatever other government or organisation who feel they need to censor people. Tell them what they can like, what they can't. Make those in the porn industry redundant and move underground to do these 'dreadful, harmful' acts. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this below

Sexual Sunday: Grand Tour of Dublin

A new year means a few improvements and it comes in the form of Sexual Sunday. Since starting to write about all things sex on the blog, they have been scattered over the months with no real structure. So this year any toy reviews or topics I think could come under this heading will always be posted on a Sunday - it makes for easier searching too.

The main topic that I'd like to talk about will be my grand tour of Dublin posts. I want to wonder the city of Dublin week by and and give you an in depth account of each sex shop I visit. Why do this you ask? Well, to start with there are so many sex toy shops in Dublin, its just crazy that so many people aren't aware of them. And secondly you can price compare online and perhaps email the company directly without having to come face to face, but in the real world there is a shop door you must walk through. There will be people who work there and even a few customers who will all give you a passing glance - just to see who has walked in, like people do in any other shop. Its a scary thing, so I want to make it easier by playing guinea pig and doing all the hard stuff for you. Who knows, if this goes well maybe I can take tourists around in the summer and entitle it as 'The Tour Of Dublin Sex Shops'. I think it would be a smashing success. For each shop I will have several categories that will be judged from 1 to 5 stars, and explained below like so:

Appearance of the outer shop: No one is going to want to step into a shop thats unappealing or looks a little dodge. This applys to both sexes, but as a woman I am bias and can feel preyed on at times, walking into a shop with bondage gear in the window and dildos popping out from all corners can give a certain impression.

Appearance of the inner shop: I know some sex shops have vases of flowers and bright inviting wallpaper that is covered in strap ons, while others are dark, cramped and the floor hasn't seen a hoover since it opened back in the 90's. You wouldn't buy clothes or books in this type of environment, so why sex toys? 

Friendliness and helpfuliness of staff: Each time I go into a shop I will talk to the staff about some of the toys or ask for help. As a rule I generally remember and nearly always come back or avoid a shop if it has rude or unhelpful staff. This is especially true for sex shops as there are so many people who might not feel the most comfortable asking questions.

Price range of toys: I'll have a good nose around and see if the shop is ripping us off or is being fair about its prices. I'll eventually build up a price list from going into them week by week, but also keeping in mind that online prices could be better or worse as a side note. I always want to support and keep Irish businesses up and running. 

Selection of products/Specialists: Do you only want to buy porn, or maybe a gimp mask? Not every shop will cater for specific needs or fetishes so I will be looking out for anything that might not be stocked in every shop. It can be nice to go and buy something in person instead of having to wait for it to be shipped to you from the big old interwebs.

Now this is going to be a trial and error kind of thing, so please feel free to give feedback or even suggestions of added questions/categories - it would be wonderful! If you don't fancy tweeting me (over here) or leaving a comment below, you can email me at bigblondegirl1@gmail.com. My first sex shop review will be up at the same time next week, so come back soon!